Group Details

Introductory Phrase:

23 y/old. 3 kids. Engaged. Poor. Hopelessly depressed. Dying from stress and a lack of answers. Desperately reaching out for a good heart to help this good heart.

About You:

I don't know where to start. My 1 month old is crying, I don't have time to write the essay that is the hole I Cannot escape. Bear with my lack of details; you'll have to read between the lines. Grew up with my dad,just us. Highly intelligent, empathetic, and emotional early on. My dad... not so much. The clash, and his job, brought violence. Depression kicked in young. His words and hands led me to attempts at my own life that never got very far. Left me feeling trapped. Fast forward. In middle school i found drugs and also discovered my own definition of unconditional love, ever since being my only true goal in life.I want to be the example that shows the world how to love again.Then my mom killed herself in 2005. Same year Katrina hit our area. Followed by a high-school career of dead friends, trouble, heart break, unhealthy indulgences, and Emotional confusion. 1 year after graduation, had my first daughter. We were gonna be a family. She left me to chase someone else. I was too emotional. The second child was from a mutual lie of a relationship. She ran up north to have my only son, knowing I had no way to follow, and is pressing for child support that I'm scared to provide out of neglect for the two children here that I am involved with. Tip money isn't grand nowadays and jobs are scarce, especially for someone of my impression. I ride a bike to work BC I've sold the three vehicles I've had in my life. It would take a lot of money to make me legal to drive, to buy a car, to legalize it, and maintain it. It's not an option. I have warrants and fines in every county around, no felonies. I have several thousand in medical bills I've never paid a dime to, but share my dad's insurance policy. I'm deeply caring and for that have been walked on more than I can count, making me calloused. I've been through tons of psych evaluations and shrinks. Tons of different meds from every class. If I couldn't abuse them or overdose on them, I didn't take them. 2 years ago I met the love of my life. This relationship has been the hardest part of my life. Although I've now learned faithfulness, confidence, moderation, priorities, and determination, it has destroyed me. She has lied, cheated, and stole. But no matter if its mutual or not, I will always always love her and will be beside her as long as she'll have me. We now have a beautiful 1 month old daughter. Although I'm late, I'm finally the man I want to be on the inside. But it was like waking up on fire. I'm buried very deep in a hell I've created for myself since I was young. We've moved 10 times in these past two years trying to get it right. Between my mistakes, circumstances, my brain, bad people, the southern economy, trauma, and desperation, you really have no idea how deeply hopeless and challenging this hole is. Always 1 step forward, 1000 steps back. I have a heart that could change the world and a mind that could destroy it. The amount of cortisol that stress has been providing for so long is actually killing me. I'm literally falling apart. We're currently living in her mom's boyfriend's house, lacking in anywhere else to go. Everyone here is angry stressful drunks. The condition of the house keeps us sick, dogs and cigarettes. I love my job completely but we're currently overstaffed and not making much money. Tips are hard to budget anyway. We have plans to get an apt with a coworker but I don't think we'll be approved BC of our rental history and childhood crimes. You're lacking details here to fully understand the complexity of this struggle, but just understand that every solution to one problem is contradicted by another problem. My father, who became a wonderful dad after everything, is the only person who knows the depth of my struggle. He's always had the right advice when I didn't know how to fix anything, but now he's so lost along with me that now he's suffering from the stress too. My relationship with my fiance has become a project to repair her, and I'm failing. Everything is failing and I'm trying my hardest. I don't want to believe that I don't have the ability to make it, but I have no clue how to survive this. I don't care about having excess in life, but i can't seem to hold on to the necessities. Hard to admit, but I'm severely desperate. This is where anyone with the decency and patience to read this comes in...

Looking for:

Well I just typed about 1000 words here and lost it all. Basically, if you've got any answers, I'm listening. Advice, an opportunity, a loan, an example, a friend, anything. I'm pleading for you to show me the love that the world lacks. Change me and I will change the world. Just give me the chance. Thank you. Really. Just for reading. I'll check back and keep hope.

Group objective (goal):