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12 simple Tricks to Success – Part 9

This is the ninth blog of a series, “12 Simple tricks to Success” from FindAMentror.com. We reveal one trick each month for you to read and practice so that in 12 months you’ll have developed some habits that can expedite your success. Enjoy!

Just like every trade and profession has its’, “tricks of the trade”, all very successful people have 12 tricks they do, no matter what industry or institution they work in. They do those things consistently. They are important processes that great and successful people follow.

12-tricks-to-sucess-part-9

12-tricks-to-sucess-part-9

Trick number nine:

Get in touch with your feelings;

. . . Especially your positive ones like Gratitude, Confidence, Enthusiasm and Love.

High energy is extremely important to becoming successful. Feelings are energy. Successful people have energy and create energy in others. We can feel it. We’ve all heard statements like,

“You could just feel the energy in that room shift when he walked in — what a change.”

What we typically describe as a desire for success is more specifically a desire for the positive feelings associated with reaching our goals. We all want confidence, joy, excitement, peace, security—and many other uplifting emotions that we associate with successful people.

We set goals because we know that achieving them will make us feel good about ourselves and the world. The feelings are first and foremost, not the goals. We will change a goal in a second if we think we can achieve another goal that will bring us the same feeling sooner. So what we really desire is positive emotion.

The myth is that positive emotion only comes when we get what we want and when events outside of our control happen to trigger it — that the positive emotions we feel are governed by circumstances and situations outside of us. We often blame outside people or circumstance for how we are feeling, and ultimately for our plot in life.

The truth is that we can have power over our emotion. Outside circumstance can trigger emotions, but we can exercise our power of choice to shift them. We can shift emotions with thought control. We can invoke positive emotion when we concentrate with thought, on certain things. When we control our emotion to be positive, we attract more positive people and circumstances into our lives which results in feeling more positive emotion again and again.

But trouble occurs when we can’t sort out the tangled web of emotions most of us have, and we can’t identify the specific negative feelings we have, that are holding us back, or the specific positive feelings we want, that can propel us forward. Emotions often camouflage themselves and we have a tough time identifying or articulating them. We want to hide negative emotions from ourselves so we don’t have to deal with them consciously. It’s the kind of situation that leaves us feeling directionless or lost.

Revealing and acknowledging our emotions allows us to confront them. It allows us to choose to keep the positive emotions and shift the negative ones.

Often we don’t want to admit we are feeling negative — or we are happy to justify our negative feeling by outside circumstance. Ignoring negative emotions, or pretending they do not exist, slows our journey to becoming the best person we could be. It prevents us from going the extra mile and providing great service in our work so we can achieve success. Denying emotion blocks healthy relationships from unfolding and keeps us stuck in the same old patterns. If we want to break patterns and change our life, it’s absolutely critical to be aware of our emotions at all times. Awareness is key.

Step one is to acknowledge the negative emotions and clearly articulate them. Be clear. This takes practice in my experience. We are not used to clearly identifying and articulating emotion. There have been times people have asked what I’m feeling and I’m at a loss for words and description. Using a list helps. You can find a feeling list online at Center for Nonviolent Communication: feelings-inventory

Step two is to shift the negative emotion by changing the thought pattern. Once we are clear about our emotion, we can often ground it out by simply acknowledging it and sharing it. Other times it takes persistent thought control discipline.

Positive thinking offers a powerful way to replace negative emotions with positive ones. It can head off negative reactions when a feeling triggers us. It can help us turn roadblocks into building blocks or adversity into an advantage. It is the key to changing our emotions.

The process of positive thought invokes positive emotion. Real positive thinking requires real commitment to changing fundamental habits of thought and underlying emotions, if it’s going to work for the rest of our lives.

It’s a good idea to develop your own list of feelings that you habitually experience. List the negative auto responses and the negative feelings you experience that keep you stuck. Beside each one, list a positive feeling that is easy for you to invoke that shifts you out of the negative. Then practice your shifts every time you feel negative.

Your lists, if you chose to develop them, would be as individual and unique as you are. Some may feel that lists of emotions are a rather artificial means of developing positive personality traits. I like to think of lists as tools for examining my character more objectively. Emotions are deeply complicated, interconnected things and difficult to sort out at the best of times. Developing lists may assist in that process.

For some, the process of attracting wealth into their lives through positive thinking and feeling takes a long time. It’s simple enough to change a few thoughts, but real change occurs when positive emotions become strong enough that they’re habitual or second nature. This process sometimes requires a great deal of commitment, but when positive feelings become habitual, positive circumstances begin to happen habitually.

When I’m having a real tough time shifting from a negative feeling, I’ll often choose to go to a thought pattern of gratitude. When I felt worried about money, I changed my thinking to something like, “I have enough money to eat today, I have a roof over my head, and I feel grateful for that.” That pattern of thought helped me feel gratitude, a very healthy, positive emotion — more healthy than the worry I felt. Gratitude is a positive emotion and a great shifter. There is always something in life to be grateful for, even if it’s life itself.

Other times I’ll simply go to a happy place in my mind that takes me back, or forward, to a place I love about life.

Another trick is to think about the good I’ve done so far in my life or the accomplishments I’ve already made. This eventually leads to the idea that the current negative is only part of a process I’m on right now, and it will shift. The fact is, emotions always shift from day to day or moment to moment. Sometimes it will take me a half a day, or even a full day to feel better. The key is to keep going—persevere with the shift of thought until the emotion is shifted. Achievement or growth is an up and down journey—remember there is always an up after a down and vice versa.

Patience, a very healthy and positive emotion, is key to changing habits. Changing habits can take ten minutes or twenty years, depending on how deeply ingrained they have become. Personally, it took me eighteen years to deal with my fear of not having enough.

Eventually negative triggers happen less as we build positive thought and emotional habits. We begin to attract more positive people and situations into our lives as we think and most important — feel more positive.

If you are struggling with the discipline necessary to shift negative process on your own, seek some support in the form of mentors or mastermind groups — people whom you can trust with the secret parts of yourself. When we share negative perspective with a trusted person that is committed with us to a journey of growth, they can help us shift when we struggle. We can do the same for them.

We could look for support and guidance in places that might include our church, our personal network of trusted friends, a local university offering free basic counseling services from interns, inexpensive or free group organizations such as AA and internet clubs, or reading articles such as this one. There are others. Think in options!

Another method for shifting negative is to seek professional support, a good psychologist.

So to recap:

  1. Be aware of your negative emotion and own it.
  2. Change your thought patterns and it changes your emotion.
  3. Get support through mentors or mastermind groups to help when you are struggling to do it on your own.
  4. Get support from professionals.

Make the choice! Start with gratitude. Confront your negative emotions and fears. Then move forward with confidence.

FindAMentor.com

12 simple Tricks to Success – Part 8

This is the Eighth blog of a series, “12 Simple tricks to Success” from Findamentror.com. We reveal one trick each month for you to read and practice so that in 12 months you’ll have developed some habits that can expedite your success. Enjoy!

Just like every trade and profession has its’, “tricks of the trade”, all very successful people have 12 tricks they do, no matter what industry or institution they work in. They do those things consistently. They are important processes that great and successful people follow.

12-simple-Tricks--to-Success---Part-8

12-simple-Tricks–to-Success—Part-8

Trick number Eight:

Develop Healthy Communication Skills

. . . including self-awareness, speaking from “I” point of view, listening,
clarifying, and paraphrasing.

Effectively communicating with others is one of our most difficult challenges as humans. Early in the history of human communication, people made pictures on rock to communicate or commemorate events in their lives. Over many thousands of years, humans evolved combinations of pictures that were less like representations of physical things and more like symbols of ideas.

These eventually turned into the world’s alphabets, as we know them today. Language in all its forms is a tool for communicating with others in order to influence them, learn from them, or share with them.

Today, there is not only language, but also many theories about how to use it effectively. In business and personal relationships we can use a number of well-known techniques to increase the effectiveness of our communications. I recommend to anyone wanting to enhance their communication skills to take communication workshops. These allow us a little time to practice with others, but more importantly they show us how that practice may be continued in everyday life.

When seeking a communication workshop, make sure it offers the following techniques as part of the curriculum:

self-awareness, speaking from the “I” point of view, clarifying, paraphrasing, and, most important, listening.

Communication begins with the self. “Becoming self-aware” involves learning to ask why whatever we’ve heard, tasted, smelled, or touched has caused us to think and feel in certain ways. It’s about questioning our thoughts, feelings, intentions, and actions. When we become self-aware, we are able to more clearly communicate with others about who we are at any given moment.

Speaking from the “I” point of view means acknowledging that what I feel may not be the same as what you feel. In our society we often speak from a “you” point of view. Consider, for example, the difference between this statement, “You know how you feel when someone steals from you,” and this one: “When someone steals from me I feel invaded.” The second is more clear and direct. It owns the thoughts and feeling and does not project it on the other person.

Speaking from the “I” point of view offers a clear way of sharing what we are experiencing without assuming that another is thinking or feeling the same thing. It is a pattern of speaking that encourages us to take responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings. In a workshop, you will learn the different ways of speaking from the ‘I’ point of view.

Paraphrasing and clarifying refer to repeating in our own words what we think another has said. It’s about getting clearer and can be about asking for additional information. Their purpose is to confirm or expand our understanding of what someone has said, which leads to more effective communicating.

They are particularly useful when we’re disagreeing with someone, having difficulty understanding, or wanting to let another person know that we understand.

In these situations, we can try beginning more of our sentences with, “What I hear you saying is . . .” Then ask; Am I correct? It’s amazing how often we misinterpret others’ words.

Effective listening is a skill that takes continual practice. Often while others are speaking, we turn our thoughts to what our response will be. Doing this interferes with true listening and may negatively affect an interaction because we haven’t heard everything that’s been said.

The more we listen, the more we hear, and the more informed we are before we speak. God gave us two ears and one mouth as a hint that we can listen twice as much as we speak. Take the hint. Listen more than you speak and you will have greater opportunity for learning.

Communicating effectively requires much practice. At first the new ways of speaking may feel awkward, but as we practice more, our speech becomes more natural and our communication with others becomes more effective. Some develop new habits quicker than others but we can all develop new habits.

Learning a new habit can be time-consuming. It took about five years for some of the communication skills I learned to become habitual. Fifteen years later I still catch myself speaking less than effectively at times. Be patient with yourself, but don’t procrastinate. The longer you put off learning effective communication skills and making them a habit in your life, the longer it will take to grow your networks and achieve your goals.

FindAMentor.com

12 simple Tricks to Success – Part 5

This is the fifth blog of a series, “12 Simple tricks to Success” from Findamentror.com. We reveal one trick each month for you to read and practice so that in 12 months you’ll have developed some habits that can expedite your success. Enjoy!

Just like every trade and profession has its’, “tricks of the trade”, all very successful people have 12 tricks they do, no matter what industry or institution they work in. They do those things consistently. They are important processes that great and successful people follow.

12-sucess-tricks-part-5

12-sucess-tricks-part-5

Trick number five:

Think in Options and Choose Wisely

Making thoughtful decisions that are right for you. Successful people think long term and big picture when making decisions and they check ideas with team members. They use their power to choose wisely. You could too.

Our power to choose is a gift. As human beings we are very blessed. We can choose our own paths by making decisions. We can track our current status in life back through thousands of decisions we’ve made along the way. We may feel that if we had made choices differently, more wisely, we would be closer to our goals.

So how do we make decisions wisely? Like everyone, we make decisions based on what we think and feel is best given our options at the time. Too often, however, we don’t consider enough options and make decisions too quick. Sometimes we take too long and over analyze. Sometimes we could make wiser decisions following a different decision making process.

Some time ago now, I attended a one-year coaching workshop called The Successful Habits Program. The workshop leader, Les Hewit, Co-Author of “The Power of Focus”, suggested that for every decision, we could find a minimum of ten options. Admittedly, a number of these options might be ridiculous, but that isn’t the point. In a list of ten, there is an option that’s just right for us. Thinking in 10 options is good brain exercise and it opens our mind. It can be fun too.

You can come up with ten different options when faced with decisions, one of which is just right for you, and you might have fun.

For example, I break my leg. Ten options to consider might be:

  1. Ask for help to get to the hospital to have it set.
  2. Crawl to the hospital and have it set.
  3. Set it myself.
  4. Have a friend set it.
  5. Do nothing—just let it set broken.
  6. Wait for someone to notice and let that person make a decision for me.
  7. Break my other leg and leave it un-set so I have a matching set of improperly healed legs.
  8. Kill myself so I don’t have to feel the pain.
  9. Break someone else’s leg so that person can know how I feel and can truly understand me.
  10. Yell, scream, and feel my pain and hope someone notices that can help me.

Some options may seem ridiculous, some not very desirable, but one of ten may offer the perfect solution—a solution we wouldn’t have thought of if we hadn’t exercised our brain and come up with ten options.

Slow down decision making whenever you can. Make thinking in options a habit, so you are able to make key decisions wisely.

Typically, when confronted with difficult decisions, people choose the path of least resistance or what appears to be the easiest way at first glance. Sometimes this is good, but sometimes the path of least resistance is a slower road to success. Sometimes the path that may seem difficult and more work at first could actually be the easiest in the long term. Think long term and big picture. All successful people do when making decisions.

Training ourselves to slow down and think of multiple options in complicated situations puts us in the habit of looking beyond what first meets the eye, of creating our own practical and wise solutions rather than being drawn toward the simplest ones.

Question the outcomes of a possible decision. Ask yourself; what could happen in a year from now if I make this decision? How might it affect others or the team? Will it inspire growth and action or invoke fear or both? If it invokes fear, is that okay in this situation and is it only temporary? In the long term are the benefits there or am I fooling myself?

Too often people make choices quickly and subconsciously. Sometimes it’s safe to do so—other times it’s not. Why gamble with important decisions? We can take greater control of the direction of our lives by pausing for a moment during a busy day to consider more options. We could put off making a decision until we have gathered enough information to make an informed choice. Check your options with mentors and mastermind groups or advisors. They may offer more options you didn’t see to choose from.

With their opinions to add to our own list of options, we can feel comfortable knowing we’ve gathered enough information to make a thoughtful decision that is right for us.

Sometimes we make decisions based on a gut feeling. We have no other choice because of timeframes or outside circumstance. This can work out to be the right decision. Other times it might not.

A key to becoming successful is to be decisive. Being decisive also means recognizing when we’ve made an incorrect decision and taking the time to re-think and make a new decision.

Being dynamic means being adaptable to change. It means being able to admit when we’ve made a mistake. Being dynamic and successful means thinking big picture, long term and in options, and it means being decisive. Just do it. You have the choice. Thanks for reading.

FindAMentor.com

12 simple Tricks to Success – Part 2

This is the second blog of a series, “12 Simple tricks to Success” from Findamentror.com. We reveal one trick each month for you to complete and/or practice so that in 12 months you’ll have developed some habits that can expedite your success. Enjoy!

simple-tricks-to-success---part-2

If you read trick number one, all your goals are written or typed. The big ones, small ones and in between ones. The career goals and the personal. You know what you want. Now you can begin to make trick number two a habit:

Go an Extra Mile
. . . and achieve your goals

In everything we do, we can go an extra mile. It is a choice. We can do more than is expected of us.

 

Og Mandino, in his book The Greatest Miracle in the World, wrote a God Memorandum that explains how each of us can be a great miracle in the world. The rule for achievement written in the God memorandum is, “GO ANOTHER MILE.”

When we do more than others expect of us, we get noticed and appreciated. At work, this often means we have first crack at opportunities for advancement. When hiring or promoting, management often considers employees’ ability to do more than is expected.

When we go the extra mile at work, our services become more valuable and we can eventually negotiate better salary, benefits and promotions. Our co-workers appreciate us more when we help them unexpectedly, and co-operation is enhanced. Start now, whether you like your job or not, exceed your employers, co-workers and customer expectations. If your employer doesn’t notice, someone else eventually will and opportunity will present itself when you least expect it.

Here are some examples of going the extra mile at work:

  • When our tasks are complete, we could help someone else complete theirs. The number one fail statement I have heard in a work environment is “That’s not in my job description.” When we refuse to do extra, we reject extra success.
  • We could learn a co-workers job so we could cover when they are away.
  • We could make sure we understand customer expectations by asking and clarifying, and then exceed those expectations. In every job we do, we serve customers of some type. Some people’s customers at work are internal customers. For example, the accountant serves the owner, co-workers, bankers and the tax man. The owners and department managers rely on the accountant’s accurate reports so they can make wise decisions that affect the health of the company or organization. When the accountant gives more information than expected with timely reporting, he or she is noticed and appreciated.

 

Continually ask yourself as a worker, “Am I doing more than is expected of me?” Your career will take off. Continually ask yourself as an employer, “Am I doing more for my employees than is expected of me?” Your company will attract dedicated, hard-working employees who will in turn, attract loyal customers.

I have a client whose mission is to exceed customer expectations 100% of the time. The whole company team works at the objective and they continue to be the leader in their industry in their geographical area.

Outside of work, there are many ways to go the extra mile and many benefits that come from it:

  • Going the extra mile with compassion, empathy and understanding in a relationship allows both people to trust each other more. Each person receives a greater degree of honesty and intimacy, and our relationships become healthier.
  • You could bring home a gift for your spouse when it isn’t expected.
  • Going the extra mile by re-negotiating an agreement that can’t be met before the deadline, rather than breaking it, shows the other person respect. And most often the respect is returned.
  • Going the extra mile by paying for the person’s order behind you in a drive-thru line triggers positive feelings in many — the person behind you, yourself, and in many of the workers in the place of business you are at.

Going the extra mile triggers positive emotion in others and in me. Positive emotion attracts more positive emotion, which attracts success.

Sometimes going the extra mile is about perseverance. When I miss making a sale, for example, going the extra mile can be achieved by making more sales calls until I reach my goal.

When I’m working on a project at home and things take longer than expected and I persevere to finish, I feel good about myself and my confidence builds.

Going the extra mile builds success habits and triggers success emotions like joy, patience, confidence, love, peace, determination, etc. People are creatures of habit. When we habitually feel these positive emotions because of doing more than is expected, we attract situations where we receive more than we expect.

The payback comes. It’s the law of attraction. You’ve probably heard of “bad” Karma, which sees our “bad” feelings and actions return to us. But there is “good” Karma, which rewards positive feelings and actions in equal fashion.

If we aren’t directly acknowledged for going another mile, we needn’t fear that we aren’t being noticed. We are — not necessarily by those we thought would notice, but certainly by those truly interested in someone who desires success.

When the habit of going the extra mile is built into our DNA through determination, patience, persistence, perseverance, and with a sense of freely giving, we become more successful in every aspect of life. Just do it. Go the extra mile in everything you do, whenever you think of it.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful day doing more than is expected of you. Make it a habit starting this month.

FindAMentor.com

12 simple Tricks to Success – Part 1

This is the first blog of a series, “12 Simple tricks to Success” from Findamentror.com. We’ll reveal one trick each month for you to complete and/or practice so that in 12 months you’ll have developed some habits that can expedite your success. Enjoy!

Just like every trade and profession has its’, “tricks of the trade”, all very successful people have 12 tricks they do, no matter what industry or institution they work in. They do those things consistently. They are important processes that great and successful people follow.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” …Lao- Tse

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First things first: Write or type your goals or have your smart phone do it for you — just do it . . . even the little ones!

All very successful people have written goals. Write your goals down and have it done in the next 30 days before you read the next blog. Why?

A mid nineteen hundred graduating class from Yale met at a 20 year reunion. Researchers asked how many of the former students had achieved written life goals. Five per cent said they had. Seventy per cent of the class had never set meaningful goals. Twenty-five per cent had New Year’s resolution type objectives or goals they could articulate, but they were not written down. Only five per cent had written goals. The ones who wrote their goals all achieved them or variations thereof.

The researchers had each person complete a financial asset work sheet. The five per cent of the class that had written goals controlled ninety-six per cent of the group’s net worth.

Five per cent is better than average. Only three per cent of the general public writes down goals. Ninety-seven per cent do not have a clear, written idea of where they’d like to be in six months, five years or fifty. Why? They have never been taught the simple rules of success, the first one being to record your goals. Every successful business person records their goals in the form of business plans, operational plans and projections. Banks won’t lend them money if they don’t.

It’s been the way of people for thousands of years. 5 % learn the rules of success and follow them. Most others don’t learn them or have a hard time disciplining themselves to follow them once they know them. Some give up. I wonder why we don’t teach this in school. It’s so important, but there are many important life processes that they don’t, and could, teach us in school.

It’s time to change. Everyone deserves success and deserves to know the secrets of success. It’s time to increase the numbers of successful people on the planet. I was angry when I learned that these simple rules were not taught to me, and to all our children, in school. It‘s time to spread the wealth. Together we can do it.

Writing down and recording our goals — small ones, big ones, personality ones, business ones, and relationship ones — gives us an inventory of our desire and is the beginning of knowing our purpose in life.

Desire is like the starter on a car. It sets everything else in motion. But without a key in the ignition, we can sit behind the wheel all we want — we won’t be going anywhere. A full list of written goals puts the key in the ignition and creates the spark in the starter that fires the engine. With today’s technology, we can speak our goals into our smart phone and it types them for us. One of the best ways to fire the engine of careers is to begin a ‘To Do’ list.

Start with small lists, things you can achieve in a relatively short period. You might, for example, want to call someone you have been meaning to contact for a long time. Maybe there are small projects to do around the home. Maybe you just want to relax all weekend instead of running errands. Whatever your small goals are, write them down and do them.

Soon, you will find yourself regularly crossing goals off lists. The biggest benefit to crossing goals off a list is that our confidence and gratitude build. Positive emotions are key to success. Any action that can build our positive emotions is good to do.

When we become more certain of our ability to achieve what we put our mind to, we find ourselves setting bigger, longer term goals, and our self-esteem continues to grow.

Almost every success coach will tell you to feel and see yourself in possession of your desire. Imagine you already have it. Successful leaders have done this for millenniums. Do it every day with important goals.

There is no absolute time frame for accomplishing recorded goals. We don’t have to tell anyone about them. They are ours and we are allowed to keep things to ourselves. We can review our lists and adjust them, and time frames, as often as we want.

We are the ones who determine what short-term and long-term mean. We are the ones who decide what pace works best for us. Our really big goals, some call them dreams, may take 20 or 30 years to cross off the list — maybe even a lifetime — but recording and acknowledging them will keep us moving in the direction we want. It keeps us working towards purpose in life, which is a great thing.

Eventually, with determination and confidence, all our goals get crossed off, either because we achieved them or because they no longer matter.

In the movie, ‘The Ten Commandments’, the Pharaoh often said, “So it shall be written, so it shall be done.” For thousands of years humans have achieved what they have written down, recorded and committed too. Join the achievers! Record your goals!

The following offers you a simple guide for keeping track of your goals — all of them, even the little ones. Take the next month to record all your goals. You can make lists on your smart phone and in your calendar on your computer.

Personal Inventory of My Desires (Goals)

DREAM LIST

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

GOAL LIST (DAILY)

CAREER

___________________ ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

PERSONAL

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

GOAL LIST (SHORT TERM (6 months -Year)

CAREER

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

PERSONAL

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

GOAL LIST (LONG TERM)

CAREER

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

PERSONAL

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

PERSONALITY GOALS (THINGS ABOUT ME THAT I WANT TO CHANGE)

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

GRATITUDE LIST (EVERYTHING FOR WHICH I AM GRATEFUL)

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

___________________, ___________________, ___________________, ______________________________________,

Read other parts of this series here.