This is the 10th blog of a series, “12 Simple tricks to Success” from Findamentor.com. We reveal one trick each month for you to read and practice so that in 12 months you’ll have developed some habits that can expedite your success. Enjoy!
Just like every trade and profession has its’, “tricks of the trade”, all very successful people have 12 tricks they do, no matter what industry or institution they work in. They do those things consistently. They are important processes that great and successful people follow.
Trick number Ten:
BECOME AWARE OF YOUR FEARS
. . . use them as building blocks instead of stumbling blocks
What blocks desire? What blocks passion? What blocks brilliance? What blocks love and gratitude? FEAR! Fear is an inevitable obstacle to growth and may be viewed as a stumbling block or a building block. Our choice! Remember, however, that every decision we make will shape our lives. We can decide to stumble through our fears and life, or we can use fear as a step and build our way through life. We decide!
Although many of us have been taught that fear is negative, fear can be a good emotion. It is like a warning signal to be aware, to be prepared. Managed effectively, fear can teach us to look out for ourselves and make decisions that are right for us.
Fear becomes harmful only when it stops us from moving ahead. That sounds simple enough, but fear is a complicated emotion. It can be like a virus that spreads into every part of a cell and then into the next cell and the next and so on. In the same manner, people learn to protect themselves in subconscious, intricate ways that are not necessarily healthy.
Many of the steps outlined in this blog series can help us consciously recognize fear for what it is — and give us the confidence we need to face our fears head on and decrease or eliminate them. Being aware of them is the first step. Going an extra mile, keeping our agreements, building reliable networks, thinking in options, asking questions, believing in ourselves, developing healthy communications skills, getting in touch with our feelings, finding balance will all help us decrease and eliminate our fears. We can develop habits of pushing through fears and becoming stronger with life character in the process.
One method of starting the process of pushing through fear is to create a list of as many options as we can think of in response to the fear. Actually take the time to write the list out if it’s a nagging fear. When it’s a smaller less intense fear, we can do this in our heads.
After the list is done, think about and write down the possible consequences of each option. Simply going through this process often sheds light on a situation and gives us confidence to move forward.
If the fear continues to nag, share it with mentors or trusted friends. Often, when we share fears with others, they ground out because we hear new perspective and the fear no longer makes sense. I can turn to a friend or trusted adviser for help in pinpointing the exact nature of my fears. Discussing fears with others can be very difficult, but we don’t have to share our fears with everyone. Often fear touches the intimate details of our lives. We can choose only those people who respect our need to feel safe and are gentle with us.
No matter what, the bottom line is that we have to push through fear and find a way to get to the other side. Feel the fear and do it anyway. The more we do this, the more our confidence builds and we find ourselves feeling less fear. Confidence is a FEAR BUSTER.
Developing certain thought process habits helps. For example; worry is a fear that blocks growth often, and for many people. I’ve developed the habit, when I’m worried about something, to think of these words… ‘Most worries never happen.’ It’s the truth. Most things people worry about never happen. It’s the first thing that pops into my mind now, because I’ve worked at it. Our time is wasted when thinking about un-known possibilities.
Worry simply blocks healthy thought and emotional habits crucial for success. It’s a waste of healthy energy. Say to yourself, “Most worries never happen. What makes me think this one is any different? Instead of wasting my time on wondering about this outcome, I’m going to just do it, or not, and forget about it, so I can get on with enjoying my life.”
Learning to face fear head on, or developing the habit of moving on from worry, may take many months or even years of self-discovery because fear is part of a powerful need to feel safe. We can make conscious choices to accept fear’s warning signal when it makes sense. Safety, however, is not always the best option when we want to move ahead in new directions. And that is what we need to think about consciously when confronting fear.
When other people are part of the scenario in our fears, it’s important to remember we often do not know how they really think and feel about what we are afraid of, or worried about. Unless we have the opportunity to ask them and communicate in a healthy way, we really do not know what others responses will be. Often we are surprised if we take the time and courage to discuss the issue. Take the time to have the conversation. Push through the fear. It will ground it out.
Pushing through fear begins with becoming clearly aware of the it and slowing ourselves down enough to acknowledge what it is truly about, and what it is that triggers our fear. For example; when I worried about my 16-year-old son being four hours late, it was important for me to realize that my worry was based on a basic human fear of ‘loss of love’. If something drastic happened to him, I might lose my love with him.
We all fear loss of love at some time. It is a basic human fear. The fear is real and brings worry, but the worry is founded on imagined circumstances that may or may not be real. When I slow down enough to understand my feelings and thoughts in more detail, I am sometimes able to let go of the worry. Without denying the fear, I can remind myself that worry is not really necessary unless there are some facts to support it.
When my son came home late, but healthy, although absentminded about others who might worry about him, I was relieved there had been nothing to worry about. With practice I can experience that relief before he gets home.
The one thought that relieves my fear more than any other is, “No matter what happens, I will at some point be on the other side of my situation and the fear will be gone. Either I will attract what I fear, in which case I will deal with it then, or the fear was unfounded and nothing will happen.”
That awareness in itself reduces the influence of fear and helps me focus on the positive side of life. As we become more practiced at confronting fears, their influence begins to diminish. When we walk with fear behind us, our confidence is stronger from the process. Whether the decisions we choose work out as planned or we discover a new aspect of fear we never knew was present, we will have more experience, more character, and more value to ourselves and society.
Move through your fears. Build your character and confidence and you will succeed at more things in life.
Thank you for reading.